Finding the Comforter is not the same as being comfortable.

I'm behind. like WAAAAY behind. Mom and I are both (separately) reading through the Bible in a year. And well let's just say I'm 2 mns behind. In my defense sometimes the OT is some hard reading. But really, that's a pretty lousy excuse. Anyways, I'm in the middle of Psalms, it's one of those "chronological order" Bibles so they aren't in numerical order. I usually read after the kids go to bed, but didn't today. So I sat there on the floor while  Thing One and Thing Two played. It's ironic, I think part of my resistance in being in the Word daily is my hurt and disappointment I feel in Him. Which is stupid really. Typical. But stupid. It's easy to see now tonight how God orchestrated time and desire for me to be reading the Psalms that I did earlier in the day.
Psalm 143

 LORD, hear my prayer,
   listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
   come to my relief.
² Do not bring your servant into judgment,
   for no one living is righteous before you.
³ The enemy pursues me,
   he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in the darkness
   like those long dead.
⁴ So my spirit grows faint within me;
   my heart within me is dismayed.
⁵ I remember the days of long ago;
   I meditate on all your works
   and consider what your hands have done.
⁶ I spread out my hands to you;
   I thirst for you like a parched land.^[a]

 ⁷ Answer me quickly, LORD;
   my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
   or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
⁸ Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
   for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
   for to you I entrust my life.
⁹ Rescue me from my enemies, LORD,
   for I hide myself in you.
¹⁰ Teach me to do your will,
   for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
   lead me on level ground.

Psalm 15:

Those whose walk is blameless,
   who do what is righteous,
   who speak the truth from their hearts;
³ who have no slander on their tongues,
   who do their neighbors no wrong,
   who cast no slur on others;
⁴ who despise those whose ways are vile
   but honor whoever fears the LORD;
   who keep their oaths even when it hurts;
⁵ who lend money to the poor without interest
   and do not accept bribes against the innocent.

   Whoever does these things
   will never be shaken.

then bc of the order of the Bible they follow it up with Psalm 36:

here is no fear of God
   before their eyes.

 ² In their own eyes they flatter themselves
   too much to detect or hate their sin.
³ The words of their mouths are wicked and deceitful;
   they have ceased to be wise and to do good.
⁴ Even on their beds they plot evil;
   they commit themselves to a sinful course
   and do not reject what is wrong.

 ⁵ Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens,
   your faithfulness to the skies.
⁶ Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
   your justice like the great deep.
   You, LORD, preserve both people and animals.
⁷ How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
   People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
⁸ They feast on the abundance of your house;
   you give them drink from your river of delights.
⁹ For with you is the fountain of life;
   in your light we see light.

 ¹⁰ Continue your love to those who know you,
   your righteousness to the upright in heart.
¹¹ May the foot of the proud not come against me,
   nor the hand of the wicked drive me away.

I got the official "your no longer insured sucka" paperwork today. I know that for most twenty-somethings that's not really a big deal. It is for me. I don't know what it was about that piece of paper. Perhaps it was the finality of it all. I just looked at it and felt stunned, dismayed, and forgotten. Yes...I have my days of struggling with how a man can profess to love his wife the way Christ loves the church.....but that's not who I'm talking about here.  I'm not even talking about a man who allowed these things to happen. I felt these things towards my Creator. But in that very moment, I knew that it was o.k. to have those feelings. I had spent a good part of the afternoon reading works from authors who had shared similar feelings. 


I serve a God who can take my questions, who desires to hear my longings and struggles and most (frightening) inner thoughts. I know that there are some pretty scary days ahead for me. But I also know that the One who knows the very number of hairs on my head will always take care of me, whatever my future holds. 


psalms 37

Do not fret because of those who are evil
   or be envious of those who do wrong;
² for like the grass they will soon wither,
   like green plants they will soon die away.
 ³ Trust in the LORD and do good;
   dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
⁴ Take delight in the LORD
   and he will give you the desires of your heart.
 ⁵ Commit your way to the LORD;
   trust in him and he will do this:
⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
   your vindication like the noonday sun.
 ⁷ Be still before the LORD
   and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
   when they carry out their wicked schemes.
 ⁸ Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
   do not fret—it leads only to evil.
⁹ For those who are evil will be destroyed,
   but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
 ¹⁰ A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
   though you look for them, they will not be found.
¹¹ But the meek will inherit the land
   and enjoy peace and prosperity.

Amen.

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Scripture passages were taken from biblegateway.com (TNIV)